Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize