I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
