I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
