dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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