His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
