Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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