I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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