I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
