I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
