And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
