Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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