Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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