I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
