im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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