I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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