I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
