My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
