Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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