Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
