Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
