What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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