I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize