I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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