No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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