His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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