If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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