Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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