Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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