I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
