my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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