Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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