You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
