I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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