My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
