i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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