This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
