You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's the barista slut.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
