Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
