can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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