On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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