I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
