The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
