Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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