your thong is hanging out like whoa
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
