those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
