in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
