i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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