a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize