Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
