i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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