Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
