my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
zippers are such a cool invention
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
