You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
