Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
