you would pick up someone in the library
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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