I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
