M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
