I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
