once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize