I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
